So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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