well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
