I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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