pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
