I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
