okay pat passed out under dana's car
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
