next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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