I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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