At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
