every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
