it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The struggles of a small town man whore
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
