making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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