Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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