I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
