If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
