The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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