It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
