I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
