just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
