Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
