just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
