I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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