He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
