it's too hot outside to masturbate.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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