So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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