I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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