I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
