somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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