So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You ruined the universe
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize