So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
