Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
