so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
