Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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