smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
