Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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