i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
