You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
time to smoke my breakfast
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
