Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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