i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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