you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
