Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
