i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
