And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
