she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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