i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
