Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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