OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
