He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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