K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
