I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
