he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
