You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize