I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
