I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize