well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
