Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
