Jerry, you need to find god
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
