Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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