I love black thongs
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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