Umm I'm too high to move.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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