dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
