How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
