people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
